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sparkles_bree's LiveJournal:
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| Friday, June 23rd, 2006 | | 8:44 pm |
| | 3:45 pm |
Butchering the english language
blogtacular.. blurb... OMG TeH NETz!!!! LMAO-OMFG-BBQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!! t3h 3nd. 1ntr0duxun. nub. 1337! 0wn3d1!!! 0wn3rzd n00b! wtf. \/\/411h4>gh3y. owni3 mc0wn3d!!!!!! can you believe my last boyfriend who broke up with me was calling me a "n3wb" on the aim? Yeaaaah.... Just kinda something funny.. or sad.. whichever you prefer hahahaha...... but man..... I laugh now. But we are saying stuff like this out loud, not me, but people, walk around saying LOL and everything. I'm like stop!!! We are losing the English language here, knock that shit off dude!!!!!!!!!! Current Music: computer hum | | 3:07 pm |
"gone so soon with just a trace....
...glitter left upon my face"
guuuuh what can I make today!! I am horribly worn out from yesterday I walked around for a million hours in search of a place to work.. it was very hot and now it isn't!! No fair. Teela says I should go look with her cuz she lives in the lakeview area now and ooooooh tomorrow I'm supposed to go Shawn and Andre's house warming party and drink drink drink and hrmmmmm I really wanna shave but I can't cuz I'm saving my legs for the photoshoot and god damn I feel stubbly soon I'll have enough money to try...
...waxing?
I forgot the point of this blog. But forget sentances that work, or proper grammar, just chuck it all out the window right now. All I know is.... I've been smokin again... my weight is back and my ass exists again in full force, I'm bound to get a couple phone calls for work, and I LOOOOVE my life. Soooo happy.... and I really wanna new hair do. Any suggestions ??? Anyone? I was thinking something really different and chopped as all hell... but... I don't wanna look like an old woman... I wanna bleach the shit out of it then streak it pink and lavender, or pink and blue then it would turn funky mixed light green and babypink... I WANT funky colors again oooh I do I do!!! I am sort of motivated to do stuff, what's up with THAT?!
Happiness.....?
K well Andrew and I plan on chiefing out and chilling out to the maaaaxxxx. I feel good. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Current Mood:  contentCurrent Music: Taz - "From DnB to breakcore" mix | | 2:06 am |
so sweet of Andrew to take me out to smoke twice (bowl at home, spliff at the park) and buy me dinner!!! hehehehe..... umm... I had a date with my brother? *scratching head* Current Mood: relaxed | | Thursday, June 22nd, 2006 | | 1:20 pm |
A sick feeling I get... when I know you're not alright in the head... poor thing.. you've gone somewhere I cannot reach, some place I have to be away from, and can't try to help.. | | 1:11 pm |
fuckin dork
Ummm I'm a dork. And I'm leaving soon................ | | 1:22 am |
aw ):
My baby just called, he doesn't feel good, he's tweaking and freaking out ):
I often wonder what it feels like..
But I can't make him more nuts with it, so I ask "what's wrong?" a few times - and when I hear his voice very WEIRD sounding..... and quiet.... then silent... I know he's tweaking...
Poor thing.
I don't know. All I know is... I try to make him feel better by sending my positive light. I hope for it to be enough. Because having all the great stuff he has, I am still the only thing who can even make him feel a TEENY bit better.... not better all the way but hey, nothing ELSE even makes him feel a teeny bit better. He calls sometimes when he's feeling very nutty..... and when he's normal I'll hear from him less.... but he's just kinda like that, sometimes leaves me baffled. I do know one thing; that he loves me. And another thing; that he's O U T T H E R E. But whatever. I just hope he can find a little sanity and peace in my arms. Lord knows he buries himself in them when we're together. I kinda had this WEIRD prediction he might not feel good, just when I looked at him today, like he could fall apart from watching me go so easily. Normally I am sad and clingy in the end.... never has he called the DAY I came back home. But today I just... let him go and the hug and kiss was so distant, even when he asked if I wanted to hang out Sun., my response was pretty like... that's all you buddy!!!!! But I think he might be triggered today, by me. I just am testing him.. Chelsea did say she didn't know whether it was all a pity party... or what, I think it's both - maybe he likes exagerrating his illness, because he knows he's fucked up very badly, but also likes the attention he gets from it...... I just don't know.
I only know that I'm fucking head over heels in love with the boy, as I've told him, as I've told everyone...... Like I said.. I thought I was crazy, but I did not put my body through as many near death experiences as Kyle. But I have had some, and he shouldn't be telling Chelsea he's the wrong person to come to for attention from me..... as he needs and wants his own, too....... I have this magical power.. see I'm gifted with intuition. It's not the greatest, but better than the average. One wonderful thing I got from mom, through this my mother lives on. I can tell when someone is.. you know, bending the truth or just kind of wanting attention. And he is very readable, he can't hide his emotions extremely well. Chelsea can read him a bit, but they weren't THAT close.....
Oi!! I am thinking so hard ever since he called. And I was so chill, damnit. All it took was a brief call and for me to hear him not feel good to bother me... I should really lie down.
<3
Current Mood:  contemplative | | Wednesday, June 21st, 2006 | | 4:30 pm |
emo emo emotional
Ummm yah I just got home from Kyle's I do NOT feel good I came home and today I am the target of my dad's bitching because It's just how he's acting. It's that time of month for me.... I had fun yesterday even though I was really tired, we were at Kyle's other apartment (he has 2) and it has central air which is nice. The aquarium was ok but I was sooooo bothered by all the people.. this time we went out I was the one flipping out or just being anti social and weird... well like I could tell I was PMS'ing because I didn't feel right in the morning and I went out and was just being uber quiet and thinking sad stuff till from like noon to 6 pm... like my bf doesn't love me... I bet this is all gonna end and I hadn't eaten till he went and got us food (Italian Beef!!!!!) but I was just so quiet with a thinking look on my face~~! Garrr I dunno and when I saw him he was like... what's up with you why are you so quiet?! And I was just like *Shrug* and I wasn't being mean just quiet. Then we got back to his 2nd apartment and watched the Brak show, (we saw like 3 of his friends after we got off the train and one dropped us off and the other 2 were just saying what's up) and I think I was so quiet because I'm just feeling insecure or something like that. I was just being observant. We have ALMOST been together 2 months and like hrmm I dunno I noticed some weird stuff going on a little like just how out there he can be about not seeing me and it just was weird when it happened.. I began to realize trying to push it more on him like GOD DAMNIT YOU CAN'T NOT SEE ME, IT'S NOT OKAY! Was really the wrong way to go to a paranoid skitzofrenic, and I don't know. I'm just not gonna be all crazy if we can't see each other because I know now he loves me. HE DID act different when I quit being on his ass and sorta well not act like all enthusiastic about shit... it made him think.. gee whiz I better see my girl more or she might lose interest (even though I didn't.. I was just hushing up) I could just tell! I have never seen him so affectionate and loving, and we watched this romantic ass movie called Godfrey (black and white movie about this gangsta ass old bum who becomes a butler) and he kept pulling me onto him to cuddle him and I just have never seen a man so affectionate!!!!! Like EVER!!!!! This is why I know he loves me.. he even held me from behind me for once in bed and I usually always hold him and shit, he snuggled up behind me and kissed my back, he never stops kissing me sometimes and just loving me... aaaah I finally feel reassured like he loves me. That comment he made to Chelsea about me and attention... and him being the wrong person to come to.. he prollie thought about that one. I know I did..........
Okay well I'm going to Brooke's to give her that painting & have dinner, I hope me and Sylvia can hang out this weekend I miss her a lot...ooo dear I'm getting all emotional!! Current Mood: emotional (where'd that mood g | | Tuesday, June 20th, 2006 | | 10:08 am |
pre event coffee
I hate sleeping w the fan on me I wake up like coughing shit up and sneezing, but I get soooo hot in the night!! My room is clean. I spongepainted a shirt last night it was fun and I wanna do more!!!!!    =^_^= I had to cut the shirt cuz I got it at the thrift and it was kinda big. <3 I have to finish my coffee and leave to meet Kyle at the Roosevelt red line stop now!!! I will be back in the morning sometime. BTW.... I got bud again... ha.... <3 Current Mood: cheerfulCurrent Music: Sneaker Pimps - 6 Underground | | Monday, June 19th, 2006 | | 3:26 pm |
UPDAAAATERAAATER
I think I am crazy for having gone out with anyone over the height of around 6'1"..... I am so freakin small. Today is the day! Kalea comes over... to take the pictures. Yes indeed! And spend the night. Snuggle meeeeeeeeeeeee!!! I need it! She does too! We both have boyfriends..... but they don't care. Mine is a paranoid skitzofrenic space cadet who forgets everything. Amazingly, the REAL Kyle was talking to me last night.... you never know how he will act sometimes although it's not TOO different, the non real Kyle can be either insanely sad, scared, worried, unknown, hallucinating, or like last night.. ok to talk. I don't know. I'd rather have a bf who is a space cadet than an abusive jerk or some bullshit. Guys don't know what they got when it comes to me, and well Kyle isn't well and might not shower me with attention like they did, but they also abused the shit out of me. Whenever Kyle and I ARE together, I am never hurt or upset we keep it fresh that way. I am always laughing and smiling and we beat the crap out of each other n talk shit ;) We have a crazy fun relationship whenever we DO see each other. Mama always said it wasn't healthy I was with men so much and I didn't get a chance to make myself more independant which is soooooo true. Kyle told me he missed me all day yesterday at the black tie benefit babysitting famous jazz musicians and next time he is sneaking me backstage ;) 16 hr day.... holy shit..... but he got paid $400. And I just got my tax returns from the state of MT. COooooooL!!! Kyle's bday is Thurs... he'll be 21!!!! Tomorrow he's taking me to the Shedd Aquarium... don't you know my little Mexican hottie Spaniard whiteyyyy is getting some sweeeeet bday lovin'.... hehehe oooh god it's been a week I MISS HIM SO BAAAAAD... The sexiessssst man I have ever dated hands DOWNNNN.... Well I just cleaned and I gotta drink some iced coffee and hop in the shower so my Kay can come over!!!! HOLy CrAp I'm little nervous but whatevaaaaa eeeeeep!!! | | Sunday, June 18th, 2006 | | 2:53 pm |
k so
Well.... it's official, I DO like attention. Oh well. I'm gonna go read now. | | 2:52 pm |
| | Friday, June 16th, 2006 | | 7:59 pm |
[oh my tick of a
heart-beat]
how you must've known what you were getting into when you saw me.. didn't you? a little, regardless of what you might say. it was so special and beautiful - that moment of the first interaction...and i shouldve held on to it longer rather than dive in so quickly. but it can't be helped now.
but... what about now? must i figure out the mess... or stop... resolution does not come easy to me now, although it is getting easier. i maybe need to stop searching and see what comes. your mind contains so much it's nothing i've ever faced, but it's so beautiful, and its mystery makes me even more drawn to you, i wonder if that is good or bad. but what don't i wonder about you? even though this is not the kind of love i am used to, it is a beautiful thing and the feeling i get with you is something i want and need.. i know what i need now, and it is you. i just get scared, but my inner strength always arises..even if i've been scared a while. sometimes it takes longer, and especially now after all i've endured recently. and if you are to break my heart i would take a chance, but i really don't know if you would hurt me... i don't want to think you would. there is a secret in your smile and in your eyes, usually i would dig around and pry but this time it's not worth analyzing. being analyzed and making assumptions is wrong and can be completely incorrect, ruining things as i know... but keeping things can be wrong too... i don't really know anymore but to say i accept and move on and want to live right now and be myself. i won't push for the impossible unless it shows up at my door..... [[[it did again.. I am so lucky.. or am I?]]]
i am just a captured butterfly under your thumb.. do you know that.. can't you see the oh-so-obvious in front of your big pretty eyes.. do i look pretty distended in pain like that.. throbbing hurting in your hand, or do you see it.. is it gone from your racey mind like everything else because it is so many places at once? it's scarey, but still draws me in. oh... i think i've dug myself a hole, but at least i can see a crack of light. it's only a crack, leading me to search for the rest of the way out. it will not be easy, but seems so worth it. a trapped butterfly in your cage of darkness.. how many have you had, am i the first??? you don't try to capture me, i just am... tangled up in the lovely mess so unclear except for how much love is there.
so much to ask, that will never be answered anytime soon.. and i do not want you gone from me either way. i'll ask the universe again tonight in a peaceful way, instead of with fear sadness or any type of angsty energy, i'll ask... Current Mood:  indescribableCurrent Music: Aphex Twin - Jynweythek Ylow | | Thursday, June 15th, 2006 | | 10:48 pm |
hahaha
I ask Kyle to put on something mellow so he can sleep through the shit that's fucking with his head... he puts on Tom Waits <3 Current Mood:  creative | | 12:40 am |
weird
What a weird ass fucking night...... I have this strange feeling in my gut too.. fuck. Robbie came over because I hadn't seen him in a long time and wanted to resolve some shit and finally put my foot down and say THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED BITCH. I have reason to believe he is an absolute nutcase...... I don't believe anything he says, but I don't believe much a man tells me these days anyway..
Like my boyfriend - Chelsea told me not to tell him what she told me but I love her for telling me anything because we both can't seem to figure him out. I know now that they would never pull anything, just because they are not scandalous cheaters and liars. Chelsea seems so faithful of a friend to me, and seems to 'report' back to me every time they talk. He's a little weird (in the sense he is very secretive and mysterious) and whenever she brings up him being friends with bob he AVOIDS the question with a very roundabout answer and a quick changing of the subject., same goes for me whenever I bring him up... We can't get him to answer honestly about it, but since he's sort of easy to read emotionally we can tell when he's being slightly avoiding or lying to us etc. But basically the bad news is for ME is that he told her he isn't the right person to come to for me to get loads of attention... because he isn't well. He did say he really cares for me, but yeah hearing about that really sucks. I don't know why he has to make himself so unavailable to me.. Chelsea said oh he's ill bla bla bla but something tells me it's not just that, like I'm too much for him.... I have intuition that doesn't wrong me I'm fucking serious about that much and I might not have a job or have finished school but my gut feelings are pretty fuckin on the ball... He told me I was over emotional which I didn't agree with.. I feel right to have been so upset after 2 1/2 weeks....I don't know. I have said all I can say to Kyle, I have made my points quite clear... I have said and done all these things to tell him how I feel and etc. He even admitted he knows he should be around more or at least TALK to me more... but nothing is done. There is no way love can be forced, certain things just can't be helped. I will still say.. yes.. I have a boyfriend... but I will give him space he needs and maybe I need a little too... It just seems pointless to have a bf you never see, I'm used to everyday love and being around each other and just... togetherness!!! But... whatever. I'll just let him go for a while.... and try not to count on us hanging out tons and tons even if he says so - I end up getting blown off, so I won't even ask anymore. It's pretty retarted, I know. But like.... whatever. I don't know. I don't know what else to do... I really care about him and they say if you love someone set them free - well I'm not dumping him.. and he doesn't wanna break up it seems.. So all I can do is take a step into the darkness to give him some light. Current Mood: contemplative | | Wednesday, June 14th, 2006 | | 11:33 am |
 hiiiiiii <3  Me before Energizer  hehehehehe  =D  ummm... I am a goofball  hehe..  everyone loves the kitty!! MrEow!  pink space kitttttyyyy  YEAH!  This is fuckin' me man.... MEATMAN!!  What is them magic word bitch!!!!!!  <3 <3 <3  My eye  <3 Kalea my lovely friend  An older pic of me from Montana that I found all edited....  Actually this is more like me than the meatman... hehehe <3 I'm a doooooork. Current Mood:  awakeCurrent Music: DJ Scud - Badman Time | | 1:56 am |
update oooooooooooo
I am sitting here stuffing my fat little face with TobLeRone... mmmgooooosh I am obsessed... my daddy is trying to make me fat he keeps buying them!! My booty is back to normal ;) But at least I *AM* gaining my weight back, and I *AM* getting nice things... I'm exsersizing and sweating a lot and running around town having lots and lots of fun in different ways, making the best out of my summer- something I would not do in MT. And I'm doing my best to try and conform to lifestyles here.... I've been extremely clean and it's helping my moods I believe, I think weed even makes me moody. I only smoked last week when Kalea got me high off them damned Cali greens OMG I was fucked up like never before!!! That shit was CRAAAAZYYYY!!!
Andrew isn't dropping out, and Nick graduates tomorrow.... he's supposed to go to 8thgrade but hey man I'm sooo proud of him for getting skiped ahead!! It's been a wonderful day....
The weekend was crazy - Friday night I went and bought some clothes from Village and came home, Andre then called and asked me if I wanted to go to Zentra for $5 and there weren't that many people there which ruled. These good dancers came and were doing pop and locking, foot work, and geometry.. I was like whoooooa!! Then I left with Andre and he bought me some donuts from dunkin donuts at 2 am, and we went to see if we could go to another party, which we couldn't because Stivo got 'removed' from it..and was drunk as hell.. so we met him outside and it was raining so we stood under an awning where we had to leave to figure out what to do. Stiv started yelling stupidly and the man who owned the building told him to leave. Intead of leaving Stiv was yelling louder and next thing I know dude started beating Stiv's ass and smashed him into the cement and drunk crazy Stiv with blood dripping from his nose wouldn't shut the fuck up. He almost got left behind, stupid ass. I was dissapointed.....
Sat. Kyle said we had to hang out Sun and it made me bummed.. but I went to this rave Energizer w/ Kalea, Joe, Jason, this girl Val, and it was a party crew which I hadn't come together with in forever!!! Onell, Tom, Shankar, Phong.. all these kids were there including ummm my brothers 15 yr old PEERS from Amundson hs... yeah all the way at a rave on 116th street bumblefuck southside and I was like wtf this girl just turned 15 and she's rolling.. and is my LITTLE BROTHERS FRIEND.. eeeeeek both girls were!!!! Uber uber weird I thought. But I was good! I was clean! And I danced all night because dancing is a part of me drugs or not...
Sun I got to see Kyle and it was nice although his paranoid skitzofrenia was fucking with him and it sucked :( He wasn't his normal self....
Monday I felt sick and shit like hurling.. my stomach was pissing me off but I hadn't eaten enough veggies.
Today was just fucking awesome! I brought Sylba a bunch of brownies, swedish fish, and toblerone.. ahahaha SUGAR!
Everyone has been doing ok in this house and Clapton is graduating so we walked down the street with a boombox blasting ghetto breakcore and all kinds of loud shit because it was sooooo fun and we ended up at the park on the picnic blanket again tonight playing with glowsticks and listening to the usual fun shit that gets us amped and we are soooo similar it's nuts. We were dancing in the grass, my new favorite place to be dancing ;) and I was drawing and I drew him a cool picture.. we were screaming at the sky and looking at stars, talking to mom, being out there and just being us, he's my little buddy. HS for him... it's soooo crazy. He is off to camp next week, he is so excited. When I get a job I am saving $75 a week to take him somewhere next summer so when we go I'll have like $3,000 for this journey to where ever land.. I'm not sure maybe California or Seattle or some place we have never been to would rock. I'm just too god damned happy and I even made brownies today. Man....
I need some water, to do the dishes, and go to sleep. My goodness. <3
This summer kicks ass!!! I haven't had fun in YEARS I swear... I am soooo so glad to be back!!!!!! Current Mood: contentCurrent Music: The Mars Volta - Cicatriz ESP | | Saturday, June 3rd, 2006 | | 2:47 pm |
| | Tuesday, May 30th, 2006 | | 5:35 pm |
ART, IN NOT SHITTY QUALITY!
This is a painting made for a dude I liked and was going out with.. but.. someone else wants it anyway (Brooke!)
It's pouting!
Uh.. sometimes I try to draw a little
I love painted collages..
Can you see what writing I painted over? And no, I didn't paint big black letters, which everyone keeps thinking are on here.
Not finger-painted, FINGER PRINT painting! I think finger prints are pretty f'n cool.
Hey this is from 8th grade but I just found it... can you tell which one is me?!
That's all for now kids! More later <3 Current Mood: cheerfulCurrent Music: A Man Called Adam - Grace | | Saturday, May 27th, 2006 | | 12:16 pm |
you know it sure is true
is he better than this one?
he just might bite..
come on baby
come on baby
jump me tonight
(I'm in love with you) Current Mood:  crazyCurrent Music: <3 LE Fufone |
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